Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Is life really wonderful?

Life, if looked at objectively, is really a series of problems.  One after another, with temporary relief in between.  I used to think otherwise, but I'm coming to see that this is really how things are.  Maybe "problems" is not the best word, as it implies that there is something wrong happening.  Perhaps more accurately, life consists of a series of "stressors" that require us to respond.  We must remain adaptable, to not become overwhelmed by the day to day events.  These stresses can be interpreted as positive or negative depending on our own state of mind, but we are nonetheless forced to remain on our toes, we can't coast through life without effort.

I don't mean to sound cynical.  For the last 5 or 6 years I've prayed and meditated my ass off, but things only seem to get harder as the years pass.  I feel like my past foray into spirituality has brought me more disappointment than comfort.  Maybe that's why I no longer really feel drawn to it.  But maybe the problem is me, that I continue to be disappointed because of all the false positivity that I used to try to fill myself with.

I think to truly find peace of mind, we must accept that reality is really a big garbage heap sometimes.  Or even most of the time.  If we can see that, and be okay with it, then we are no longer prisoners of false expectations.  One of the biggest piles of shit that I've heard was that our teen years are supposed to be the best years of our life.  Boy was that a disappointment.

The "small things" really are what seem to make each day worth it.  A brief interaction with a friend, a good cup of coffee or tea, laughing, taking a nap.  Each day there are small joys and pleasures that are available to us.  Right now I'm sitting at a cafe with a tea and typing what's on my mind, and there's nothing else I rather be doing.

I think learning to enjoy the small things is the only way to stay sane.  I can no longer expect each day to be exciting, adventurous, or easy.  I try, but I'm let down.  It just isn't like that.  So I choose to enjoy whatever I can and not take the rest too seriously.  Because really, does any of it matter?

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