Is there really a point?

Life is complicated enough without obsessing about food to the point of expecting perfection.  Wake up, live, eat, continue to live, eat some more, live some more, go to bed.  Of course there are different variations of this, but that's basically what it should be.  And that's how things used to be for me, when I was younger.  I had a great appetite, would eat until I was full, then forget about it until the next meal.  I wasn't constantly thinking about what I should or shouldn't be eating, planning the next meal, craving, or feeling guilty about anything.  This is ultimately the relationship I would like to have with food.  I want to satisfy my appetite without over-thinking it.   The amount of energy that I give to this is tremendous.  Researching nutrition can become all-encompassing, because there is no end to information and nobody really has any final word on what the "optimum" diet is, if that even exists.

So once again I begin to question whether or not this information is really useful to me or not.  I really don't know.  I'm on the fence between becoming more stringent with my food choices, or with just eating good foods and not thinking too much about it.

There are aspects of my life that I feel are being ignored in an attempt to find the perfect way of eating.  Perhaps there is a way to integrate everything together, rather than having to choose one over the other.   I find this extremely difficulty, and will usually give up one interest if I find another, rather than finding balance.  But this hasn't worked for me in the past, so maybe it is time to try something new.

Many different types of relationships with food

I'm always curious to see what and how other people eat.  Everybody seems to have a different relationship with food.  For some each bite is a huge pleasure, for some it is a nuisance to have to eat, others eat like a bird for fear of gaining weight.   Some take a lunch break to eat with friends, others eat in front of the computer (myself included), and others don't have any routine and seem to even forget to eat.  I sometimes feel that I'm the only one that has quirks when it comes to feeding myself, but when I take the time to observe, I see that this is not the case.

Quirks aside, I think it is sad that so many of us have a painful relationship with food.  While I'm learning that I don't need to be afraid of calories, I have spent a lot of time worrying about weight gain even during periods of time that I have been underweight.  I'm starting to gain some now and I feel healthier for it, my fear is going away and I actually look forward to reaching my natural weight whatever it really is.

There is so much fear when it comes to food, I think it is a major problem in our society.  But what is the source of this?  I think there are many social issues, but I'm not confident that they are the root of the problem.  Pressure to be thin while being bombarded with fast food advertisements certainly encourages a confused relationship with food, but I think the issue is really deeper than that.  I think that food is often used to replace something else that is missing in our lives, even though there is no way that it can do so.  Is it friendship?  Romantic relationships?  Having purpose?  I don't know exactly, but I feel that for me when my relationship to food gets chaotic I am trying to find some sort of comfort in it.  Either comfort in giving in to my cravings, or the comfort that comes from following a strict program.

I feel that these may be at the root of the problem, although I find it it bit on the mushy side.  I think the reason that food can serve as such a comfort is that it does have a direct effect on our brain chemistry.  By releasing serotonin, beta-endorphins, and dopamine, we can try to artificially create the feelings that we are missing.  I think if my brain chemistry was fine in the first place, I wouldn't have cravings or overeat certain foods.

I think that whatever our relationship to food may be, it can teach us a lot about ourselves and how we relate to the world.  What we eat literally becomes us, so how our relationship to it not be meaningful?