Finding the underlying issue behind eating patterns

When it comes to my eating patterns, in particular bingeing, there are several factors that come into play.   I tend to look at flour and sugar as the bad guys, triggering a neurochemical response that causes me to sometimes lose control and continue to eat way past the point of fullness.   However, something that is important to note is that sugar/flour sometimes cause me to eat to excess.   There are certainly times where I am able to consume these things without any craving or need to binge afterward.  It then seems inappropriate to look at them as the root of the problem, when there is another variable at play.  Sure, sugar can trigger a binge, but what is it that is causing me to have that response at certain times, while other times it doesn't?

I think it goes back to my emotional health and level of stress at the moment.  This weekend I was out of town visiting family.  One day, I had some pie for dessert, and then literally had a chocolate bar thrown at me, which I certainly ate.  I was able to stop after that and go to bed without much of an issue.   The day after, I ate lots of sweets throughout the day, and come evening had a massive binge on chocolates and other sweet things that was completely out of control.

So what was the difference between these two days?   These are potential explanations for the day of the binge:

• I had eaten sugar consistently throughout the day, before the binge began
• A particularly stressful/emotional day was coming up, and I didn't want to think about it
• I was alone at night watching TV
• I had consumed large quantities of caffeine during the day

I think stress is a huge factor here.  The upcoming day was something I was very concerned about, and when I'm worried about something I try to completely forget about it.  A binge is probably a way of helping me to avoid dealing with whatever is going on.  Not a very helpful method, but maybe at certain times I just don't know how to deal with things any other way.

What I think is important for me to learn is that sugar is not the root of the problem.  It triggers a reaction, sometimes, but the reason for this is deeper.  Simply getting rid of sugar and not dealing with the emotional issues that cause the binge is not solving the problem.   In a sense, a binge is sending me a message that there is something that needs to be dealt with.  I can avoid sugar for the rest of my life, but if I continue to be unable to manage my stress levels, am I really solving anything?

Learning to manage my stress may be the best thing I can do for myself.  By getting to the root of the problem, the symptoms can fall away on their own.  This sounds nice in theory, but managing stress is easier said than done.  I wish the problem was food itself, it would be easier to solve, but I need to start looking at myself and working on changing my habits and thought patterns if I'm going to find peace of mind.  I plan to explore different tools I can use to do this, rather than focusing only on the foods that I eat.

Getting what I think I want isn't what makes me feel best

After my last post I thought I had it and was going to give up on all things health related.  I was fed up with struggling, always trying to eat well but failing.  Anyways, I've been continually eating what I very well wanted.  Pizza, chocolate, burgers, fries, soft drinks, all sorts of garbage.  And I've been feeling like absolute garbage too.

But the physical aspect of this debauchery was not the worst.  It was the psychological aspect.  The lack of control, shame, self-disgust, etc.  Last night I think I reached an emotional low-point that I just can't allow myself to reach again.  It became clear that whatever comfort I was looking for in this junk was not going to be found there.  And the negative feelings that came with it had gotten worse and worse.

Today I woke up and felt like I was starting fresh.  I know what my problems are: sugar and gluten.  I react badly to both and can't give up one without giving up the other.  When I eat either one I feel the need to continue eating them, for whatever reason.  I've suspected gluten intolerance for quite a while but ignored it for the majority of the time.  I can deal with the bad digestive issues, I'm used to it.  What I can't deal with any more is the beast that seems to be unleashed when I consume either of these products.

So today they have been banished from my life.  And magically, the cravings disappeared.  Not consuming them at all is just so much easier than trying to satisfy a never-ending craving, and I already feel better for it.

By maintaining a free mind that isn't hi-jacked by constant unhealthy food cravings, I'm free to pursue my interests in health and spend more time discovering other hobbies that I have yet to try.  I thought that  satisfying every urge was going to solve things, but I was wrong, another lesson learned.

Ramblings of a confused little man (that would be me)

Another day of not knowing what the hell to do with myself.  It's almost as if I'm bipolar, one moment I can be super excited about something, then give it up the next.  My mind seems to always want to latch on to an idea, a plan, a goal, in order to feel grounded.  When once the goal doesn't work out, it moves on to something else. Sometimes this can be within months, sometimes within minutes.  Depends on the mood, I suppose


An interesting discussion came up this morning.  I started to see a therapist a few months ago due to anxiety issues.  Anyways, we've been discussing my interest in health and how I continue to read and learn about it, to the point of obsession, yet often fail to even apply any of it.  The point is, apparently my attempt to improve my lifestyle is not so much about health, but more about having an obsession to distract myself with.  


Herein lies the confusion.  If this is the case, then why even bother?  What the hell am I doing?  Maybe I create all these food issues just to have a distraction.  Maybe the point isn't that I need to cut out sugar because of cravings, maybe I need to learn how to calm my mind the fuck down so it doesn't need to obsess about one thing or another.  It's a frustrating idea because it makes me feel that everything I try to do is pointless.  


So, is this just an obsession of mine or am I genuinely concerned about my health?  I don't know.  I love reading, learning, and (trying) to apply.  I love having goals to stay focused on.  But maybe I have some idea about achieving a certain level of health because I don't want to deal with myself.  It can be easier to look into the future at some ideal rather than deal with reality.


But feeling good doesn't seem to be enough.  I can't reach a certain point and then move on to other goals.  It becomes a search for perfection that doesn't really end up satisfying me in the end.  But this ends up with me giving up certain things which actually DID benefit me and make me feel better, because they get mixed in with all the other changes that were really not needed.


When I think about it I think the problem seems to be me.  I think if I ate what I wanted, stopped reading everything health related, and just focused on other areas of my life, I may be better off for it.  Take care of my mental health instead.


Maybe the one big lesson I needed to learn from all this was to EAT ENOUGH FOOD.   Instead of skipping breakfast, and eating a tiny lunch, then being starving by the evening time.  Learning to eat good meals until I'm satisfied.  If it has sugar?  So what.  If it has wheat?  So what.  None of my food problems happened until I started worrying about how much I ate in high school.  That's when I got the sugar cravings, the overeating, obsessions, etc.


That could be an experiment to try.  Stop reading all blogs, books, and health information for a month.  Eat what I want, eat enough, and get on with life.


Who knows...

Stress - another factor that determines my eating behaviour

It became clear to me today that stress management is another important factor that I need to be paying attention too if I'm going to make any permanent changes in the way I eat.  I tend to be a bit of a basket case who thinks everything to death and worries too much.  I also tend to consume lots of caffeine which just magnifies these habits.  Unless I either a) prevent this stress from occuring, b) learn to deal with it, or c) start smoking again (just kidding, not a valid option), I will continue to crave sugar when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Today started off well, healthy breakfast, good lunch.  Cookies at work were not much of a temptation. Went out to dinner which was planned, although earlier I had decided to skip on the dessert.  A day of lots of coffee and mismanaged stress left me feeling jittery when I left work, and feeling the need to eat a big heavy meal to calm down.  Hence the burger, fries, and brownie with ice cream.  Then of course comes the fatigue, bad digestion, negative mood, etc.   Once I get into this "fuck it" mindset it's already too late, so I think the solution needs to come in the prevention.

It's frustrating when making one change requires me to make another change first, which requires another change, and so on.  Not drinking coffee in itself is a huge ordeal for me.  I've quit 100 times and always start again, I'm one of those die-hard can't live without coffee fanatics.  So while this is an obvious solution to reducing my anxiety, I don't seem to be able to just do it like that.  So maybe I need to dig deeper,  what change to I have to make in order to be able to let go of coffee?  Well, better sleep would be one thing.  Also, another supplement that I've learned about is l-tyrosine, which is supposed to be stimulating and help with caffeine cravings.  Or maybe just switching to tea would be enough of a compromise to reduce anxiety levels.

Meditation is another useful tool for dealing with stress.  I took a week-long course about 6 years ago to learn Buddhist meditation, and have been doing it ever since, with some breaks here and there.  Lately I've been on a break because for some reason the meditation was getting more and more difficult and my mind was racing.  But maybe this would be a good start to help with the anxiety aspect of my sugar cravings.  The chromium and l-glutamine supplements are helpful, I do know that, but not all cravings are caused by unstable blood-sugar.

Anyways, it seems like I have lots of things to work on to get my act together.   Hopefully writing about my madness will somehow keep me sane

Chromium and L-Glutamine for dealing with sugar cravings

After another chocolate fiasco last night, I once again felt the need to do something about it.  I'm not overweight, but a feeling of being out of control when eating just isn't right.  And it will certainly lead down the path to being overweight in the future.  The whole fiasco began when I took off the nicotine patch after quitting smoking for 3 months.   Since then I haven't been able to go one evening without chocolate, or a dessert, with some soft drinks and other sugar-laden foods thrown in here and there.

Today I decided to try two supplements which help balance blood sugar to eliminate sugar cravings: chromium and the amino acid l-glutamine.  Chromium with meals, l-glutamine in between.  While I'm always skeptical of results being due to a placebo effect, today was the first day in the last 3 or so weeks that I didn't need to have anything sweet.  No chocolate in the evening, no soft drinks during the day, no sugar in my coffee.   In perhaps what can be seen as some sick joke, there were two giant platters of cookies at work, and the lab was completely empty all day, a perfect opportunity.  But somehow they were not too tempting and I was able to get on with my day. 

I think there is an emotional aspect to food cravings, but lately I have been much more interested in learning about the physiological causes.  If there are supplements that can help with the situation, then I'm certainly open to taking advantage of them.  

Who knows, maybe tomorrow will be back to square one.  Whatever occurs, having had some momentary freedom was refreshing.

Day 1 without sugar: an epic failure

So yesterday was supposed to be my grand entry into the sugar-free world.  The outcome: failure.  During most of the day I was able to avoid any sweets, although during the day is not the worst time for me.  Most of what I will usually have would maybe be one soft drink in the afternoon, and some sugar in my coffee.  But these were not so difficult to avoid.

Come evening, the cravings hit full force.  My ritual of coming home and having a giant chocolate bar with   a soft drink popped into my mind, then would go away, then came back again, and I would continue to try to push it out of my mind.  I had pizza for supper, which did contain some sugar and also a whole ton of white flour.  I'm pretty sure I react to flour in the same way, having some makes me want more.  So this may have contributed to my evening cravings.  I'm still considering removing gluten for digestive reasons.  I mentioned that I hate the idea of fighting against cravings, and I really do, I felt  that once they began I had already failed to achieve my goal.

So finally, I caved and just went for it.  Ironically this happened as I was reading "The Diet Cure" by Julia Ross, a book I wanted to re-read to give me some more insight into the addictive nature of certain foods.   Her book is great, and does a fine job of tearing apart the idea of low-calorie dieting.  We need to nourish ourselves with the proper foods if we want to overcome our mood swings and unhealthy food cravings.  She doesn't think there is something wrong with us, but that for certain reasons our brains  and bodies are our of balance, which leads to cravings and mood issues.  I do feel that her support of amino acid supplementation is a bit overly simplistic and I doubt it works as well as the examples she provides from her clinic.  I have tried 5-HTP and Tyrosine, and they may have provided some benefit, but not to the extend that described.  On the other hand, I never used the whole program she recommends, only pieces of it, so maybe if I gave it a fair chance it would be more effective.   Anyways, I'm fed up with taking supplements and don't want to spend a fortune on a bunch of them right now.  I prefer to learn to eat in a way that does not require extensive supplementation, that feels natural and allows food to not be a huge issue.

Yesterday I just felt like giving everything up.  Why should I keep reading about health when I can't even make simple changes?  But I think this kind of attitude is what I've always used to give things up.  I'm going to continue my research, trying different approaches, and doing whatever is necessary to make peace with my eating habits.  If that means eating whatever I want and not being concerned about health, then so be it.  I'm open to whatever it is that will bring me peace of mind.

Goodbye to sweets

 I've reached the point where something has to change.  Since coming off of a low-carb diet, every single evening I've been eating one of those large 100g milk chocolate bars.  It's been some sort of habit I guess, something to look forward to in the evening.  The problem is, the more sugar I eat, the more I want.  Today I ate one of those big bars and wasn't satisfied at all, so I went and got another one.  That's a ridiculous amount of sugar.

Now, I can tolerate unhealthy habits for a while without letting them bother me.  But when it turns into binges, I can't accept it anymore.  And that's the truth when it comes to eating sugar, I always get to the point where I can't control my intake.  I'll moderate and control it, but then it seems like I need a higher "dose" to feel satisfied.  Is this a food or a drug?  I think the latter.

So tomorrow I'm kick-starting my transition back to a nutritious whole-foods diet.  I can't change it all at once, but the first major change is to cut out sweets.   In order to make it something realistic, I'm not yet going to obsess about small amounts of sugar added to other things like breads, sauces, etc.   I think that is the imperfection I need to make this something sustainable.

In a way it feels like a relief at the same time.   This has been the major thing preventing me from being able to make other improvements to my diet as well.  I kept holding on to it, saying how I would feel deprived if I couldn't eat sweets, etc.  But now it feels like the supposed comfort is causing more stress than anything.

Anatomy of a craving

I'm fascinated with food cravings and what they actually mean.  When I really pay attention, my diet seems to be for the most part based on satisfying cravings, rather than what will nourish my body the most.  The strongest seem to be for caffeine, sugar, and bread.  But what's really behind these cravings?  What is it that I am lacking that is making me crave these foods which ultimately do not make me feel good?

In her book "The Diet Cure", Julia Ross explains how she helps many people overcome their cravings and food addictions by using amino acid supplements to balance their brain chemistry and blood sugar.  She says that we are trying to self-medicate ourselves using these foods which provide a temporary solution to our low levels of certain neurotransmitters.  Using food in this way prevents us from finding a long-term solution.  What I love about this is that it does not mean that those who overeat or who crave sweets are simply weak-willed or gluttonous.  I think this old view needs to be completely scrapped and replaced by a biochemical explanation which shows that when we crave something, it is our brain's way of telling us what we are lacking.  By using these cravings as clues to figure out what is out of balance, they can be a tool rather than something to feel guilty about.

When I have a craving, I can't seem to get it out of my mind.  On my way home today I was in such a frenzy to finally get there and eat the tuna sandwich with chips that I was fantasizing about since leaving work.  Instead of enjoying the warm weather and the walk to the subway, I was in a frenzy to just get home.  It wasn't so much a physical hunger, but a psychological one.  Usually this makes me feel like there is something wrong with me, that I need to crack the whip and stop obsessing about food.  I'm trying to instead accept that at this point in time I often feel the need to eat certain things, which either comfort me or provide me with what I think I need at that moment.  It's looking for the right thing in the wrong place.

I also happened to have a craving for pancakes soaked in butter and syrup today.  I remembered how my grandmother used to make these for me when I was younger, and how she used to always take care of me.  All of a sudden I felt sad, thinking about her and how she is sick now.  Then I realized that the craving could have been an attempt to relive my youth when I would spend time with her and always be well fed.  So it wasn't anything about the food, but what the food represented for me.  I think our cravings can also tell us a lot about our emotions.

I'm not going to fight against myself anymore.   I think by finding the cause of whatever cravings I have, I will be able to work through them and get to the point where they are not an issue.  Then I will be able to make food choices based on what my body needs.   Fighting these cravings with willpower misses the whole point; they serve a purpose and are taking care of a need that has not been satisfied in other ways.